I used to aim to please as many people as I can. I have bent my back backwards for many people who wouldn’t lift a finger for me. I know that when you do things for people, you are not supposed to expect anything in return. However, there is a fine line between seva and being used. So this post is some things to keep in mind if and when you shift your people-pleasing habits 🙂
1- I trust myself to make the right decisions for my own well-being without putting others down
With change come uncomfortable situations and decisions. This means you must trust yourself to make the right decision for your happiness and success. Each to their own, but your choices shouldn’t crush or put others down.
2- I stand up for myself when people try to put me down in front of others
If someone believes the rumours about me over what I say, I am not wasting energy to change their thoughts. However, if someone says something about me in front or as I pass by, you best believe I am calling that person out. However, remember there is a difference between bullying and standing up for yourself!!
3 – I am learning to be unaffected by people’s negative comments
Although, I will stand up for myself. I am also working on not letting negative comments or feedback not affect me. Unfortunately, in the world, some people actively put people down. I recently learnt that the progression of the message depends on the receiver’s perception of the message. So, when you recognise these comments or feedback, if you perceive them as the sender’s insecurities or thoughts and not yours, it won’t affect you. This works wonders for me.
4 – I am ok with having to disappoint people sometimes and I know it’s ok
Changing yourself means the people who are used to the old self will either be disappointed or grow with you. Disappointed people will either distance themselves or try to change you back. You must recognise this and remember that making others support you is not your responsibility. This is one way to know your real and fake friends and peers.
5 – I set clear boundaries and respect other people’s boundaries
My inner circle know my boundaries and respect them. It is mutual. They respect mine, and I respect theirs. However, just because you set boundaries doesn’t automatically mean that people will respect them. I indirectly teach people to respect my boundaries. For instance, if someone wants me to come with them somewhere, I either don’t like or have something else on. I will say no, I don’t like the place or have something else. I noticed the next time they asked me, the question was phrased “If you are free to come.”
6 – I put my needs before others
Ultimately, you simply need to focus on yourself. People will do what they want to do, act how they act, speak how they speak and be how they be. You can only control yourself, and that’s exactly what you got to do. Control your need to please people, as people often take advantage of this nature.
Take care of yourself! At the end of the day:
“There comes a time where you have to stop jumping oceans for people who wouldn’t jump puddles for you.”– Pinterest
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As always, thank you for being the Samosauce to my Garam Samosa!!!
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